What is it like being in a marriage relationship, or equivalent, where you are taken for granted? You do all the activities that are part of any marriage relationship. There is no acknowledgment that you take all these responsibilities, it is simply expected you will do them because you always have. It is not thought there is anything unusual about your situation as is it mirrored in marriage relationships throughout the world.
It is often claimed that circumstances with married couples is different today, it is not like it used to be. However, any surveys that have been taken reflect very little change as they show things are much the same as they have always been.
These surveys demonstrate married women overwhelmingly carry the burden of household and parental duties regardless of the fact that with many married couples both parties are in the paid workforce.
Any involvement in these activities by a lot of men in relationships is regarded as being magnanimous, chivalrous or generous. It is generally viewed as helping, and when involved with children, especially when they are very young, it is often seen as baby sitting, and this is with their own children.
As a couples counselor I have seen many married couples where the men fit into this category of helping, and the women have said other women have expressed how envious they are.
The women have stated they wonder why they don’t feel so good. My suggestion has been to say that perhaps they are made to feel they are indebted to the men in their relationship and this is burdensome. They are now made to feel they owe them for their generosity, and this would probably mean there is now no excuse for men not having sex.
A point to be made is that when men think in terms of what they are doing as helping, is there not an inference that they are helping the women do their job. Women never refer to what they are doing as helping.
It would seem that given this is how it is with a lot of married couples, there would be underlying feelings on the part of loads of women that this is not fair. There would be feelings of resentment on the surface with numerous married women, and with others these feelings would be beneath the facade.
This would no doubt create relationship problems that contribute to the staggering divorce statistics of 1 in 3 first marriages, and 2 in 3 second marriages.
What I have written would seem to suggest many people have not understood what is required for a good relationship and there is a long way to go for them to achieve this.
At this stage I will leave you to think about this and put forward other ideas later.
